*The future awaits us~*

Saturday, October 31, 2009

my dinner tonight. everyone else is out. AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING BUT LOOK WHAT I AM DOING???

opps, i'm trying to watch the abu dhabi race yet i can't seem to find the stream... =x
something is telling me i need to study seriously.

anyway, after annoying some people recently due to maths/amaths...
i still have to say that i have secured 2 A1s already. waiting for my other 4 and i do hope they appear in english, chemistry, physics and combined humanities. opps.

please love me. haha. i've gone nuts already.
the rain just now just made me feel like screaming. i mean no one is in the house and it was very noisy.

i feel like saying that i won't be using my current phone number soon. i mean it's crazy that i am receiving calls every day and smsing like 20+ times a day. to some it sounds normal but i don't have free incoming and only have 360 free smses. look, if you know my prepaid card number, the one 9014**** contact me that way. i got 2 weeks left and the number of sms sent has hit 285!
IT IS SCARY OK.
highest so far in my life. coughs.

talk about smsing it just reminds me of a person who failed to reply days after saying will reply back and... after reminding, i still did not see any replies. lol the replies were not to me but ya its just weird. we decided to take desperate measures and get the number ourselves.
it's the same person we were talking about that looks as though he attempted to be special but could not and just did what everyone else did.
opps that is too obvious.
so case concluded there where we wasted so much energy trying to go one round just to get a person.

there was a case of mistaken identity that happened to be a bit ridiculous cause yk thought yf was yengfai and i was like #$(%&#@ how can that happen.
yengfai is nothing like the person who is sooooo annoying on my tagboard. and i have to say this here again. STOP CALLING ME AFTER EVERY PAPER YF. i won't pick it up the next time. i swear.

that will only happen after the 6/11?

i can temporarily go and celebrate before i need to get serious for HCL.

i desperately need that pass and i don't want a C for it... although i would love an A1/A2, it is virtually impossible.

now i am really fustrated. WHY WHY WHY!

i'm starting to hate football. tsk

<|8:52 PM|>

Saturday, October 17, 2009

the calander on my wall says 8 more days to o lvls, that is after tonight.

finally started a change of subjects to focus on. now that i have started relooking and memorising ss, my brain feels too exhausted to do anything else. but i dare not take the risk.

while i am currently sitting on the floor trying to type this on this rather rotten tablet pc, i feel like i have lost some of my life again.
strange enough, after all those brain work, i still dont feel tired by 11pm+

oh wait, 11pm is starting to be a little early for a person who has lots to cover.
i believe many others out there are staying up until late in the night to study. i just cant will myself to do that even if i cant get to sleep.

but tonight i will most likely stay up till 2am+???
see first ba. when i want to do something, i always seem to have a way to do it. somehow.

the week has past and nothing much has happened. other than the fact that i feel a bit robotic already. there is this routine i end up doing everyday even though i tell myself repeatedly that i have to stop it and snap out of it. in fact, i subconsciously made myself do it the hard way. a way i should have used a long time ago.
i'm getting a bit numb now.

being in my room most of the time just makes me feel so bitter inside. sometimes i cant explain how it started...
well, my various plans that i have for after the o lvls just made this it a tinge worse. afterall, i 75% wont have any suitable people to do the activities with me. so mainly i will be alone. but i will still hope someone out there will ask me to do the certain activity i intend to do.
it could all be fat hope.

i want to be greedy. i want to do and try everything i have never dared to do before. i want to experience some feelings that i never experienced before. i want to feel valued.

i already have a plan set for a certain task that i may volunteer to do if it turns out just as i expected.

then again, all could be different after the o lvls. we will see how.
not going to post again until after the major papers. or unless i feel the need to vent anger/express disgust at something.

<|9:48 PM|>

Friday, October 09, 2009

this was the last day of lessons.
we had our graduation ceremony at night but i didnt get the feeling of "wow i am finally graduating!"
yes there was the standard extra loud singing blah blah. so typical.
i dont really have even the smallest emotional feeling.
its just as though something large in me is missing and losing some more does not make a difference.

but we went around making a pact about having to see each other up on the stage again next year. twice, to make sure it is not just to take photos with classmates but to receive awards for getting some blah blah result. lets hope it is 6A1s...

haha i wish higher a bit ba. 7A1s. i cant make any more than that, it is just too difficult unless some miracle happens.
you cant say anything about the results we got today. they just look so fake to me, never really reflecting the real standard...

i do feel sad, but just sad that i seemed to have wasted 2 years in cchms? 2 years of memories with HM have seemed to be forgotten. i mean till now, even if i say hi to those classmates some will not even say hi back. i've seen other sec 4s getting together with their sec 2 class to take photos but i felt neglected.
probably because i am the only one from 2HM in 4DL.

the really beautiful memories i have from cchms are more from out of the class.
they are the ones that are really etched to my heart.

so i should consider saying i wasted 4 years?

<|10:10 PM|>

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

i had this weird dream last night. rather dramatic one...

i have no idea why i ended up having such a dream.
it is really ridiculous
i just want to type it out so i can see it next time. haha.

there are person A, person B and person C. they were people i know but i shall not say who.

person A love person B but person B loves person C...

one day, person A threatened person B saying that if person B does not marry him, person B's family will be killed. person A is supposed to be a very rich person.
person B agreed to the marriage.

the day before the wedding, person B asked person C out. person B was very say but wished person C could attend her wedding. person C saw person B with bloodshot eyes and decided to give person C a hug. person B started crying. person C told person B that he would not be able to attend her wedding.

the next day, person A ran away during the ceremony. apparently, person A was hugely in debt and the people had came to collect the money he owed. person B was of course devastated. person C witnessed all that from outside the chapel and was really upset for what happened. person C walked in and gave person B a hug. he told person B that if she didnt mind, he would like to marry her.

then person B and person C kissed...
after that dunno what happened, then they were walking out when they spotted person A. person C gave chase and caught person A.

the last thing person A said was, "i helped you get the love of your life. thank me."

-_-"
dunno want to laugh at it or go awwwww so touching. haha =D

<|5:17 PM|>

Monday, October 05, 2009

second time i drank coffee but i still dont like it.
mcdonald's free breakfast coffee doesnt seem very nice leh.

yongkhai had this weird colour coffee. mine was not very bitter but i still did not like it. took a few mouths and didnt want any more. luckily i didnt bring it back to school.
those with the coffee had hell running after the bus. the coffee was spilling around.

lol, a couple of us reached school and there was the feeling very thirsty and yawning away.
opps, so a bit of coffee didnt quite work. and being thirsty is so not nice. it must have been salty.

3 hours of lesson quickly passed and i made my way to the library. stopped at parkway wanting to eat lunch but didnt really feel hungry. so all i bought was a packet of muachee from the pasar malam outside for lunch.
visited the library but had this strange feeling because i last did that about a year ago.

anyway, i have 2 free outrageous sundaes from swensens and i dont know who to ask to go eat together. no one has confirmed. wahaha, who wants go swensens and eat with me? =D

<|8:00 PM|>

Saturday, October 03, 2009

WAYYYYYY behind schedule.
but all of the sudden i am losing the motivation to study.

i dont know, i think it is because i seldom get to talk to people.
i can go on msn, only to have less than 10 people online at any one time. not to mention, less than 5 of them would be people i talk to.

i was talking randomly with ason yesterday because i was bored.
he had to say that

"thats what happens when you mug too much... you lose your fun... you lose your happiness, your ability to interact with others... and when exams are over, you lose your sense of purpose... being nothing more than an empty shell"

i guess that is what happens.

afterall, i'm currently facing nothing that speaks majority of the day.

something is gravely wrong because i have this cup of coffee sitting infront of me, but it happens to be one of my most hated drink. i just need something to keep me awake. and no, i still dont like the taste of it, nor the smell.

hey, i realised that i could actually remember how to cook things just by looking at my mom prepare meals. i almost got the food to be of high standards on the first try. everything is edible ok, just slightly bland or slightly salty.
i wont be as failed as my sis who has gone overseas without much cooking experience. lol lol my mom insisted to teach me how to cook after my o levels so that i wont be like my sis... haha

<|11:34 AM|>