*The future awaits us~*

Saturday, January 31, 2009

oh hell.
i forgot i even took a physics test yesterday.

i totally disappointed myself.
I BLANKED OUT LOR!
my mind was a total blank.
and i wrote a lot of wrong things, even label things wrongly.
fail liao la. fail liao.

blame myself for not being serious these few weeks. i have not seriously studied any test this year lor. -_-"

/edit: my mit got helmed and leveled up in zak. haha!

<|11:42 AM|>

Friday, January 30, 2009

was rather late for training... and WOW SO MANY PEOPLE LOR!
every lane had 4 people. so in total 38 people went for training. @_@

barely warmed up before we had to play games. actually i only played 1 game. and the whole warm up part i did not even strike once.
we had to play games as it would qualify us for a position in the school team...

who would have known i ended up getting 6 strikes in a row.
there was a totally different feel when i bowled. it felt very natural, no restrictions at all.
even the speed went up by 1-2km/h
oh course i wish i can keep on at this kind of standard until the competition.

I TOTALLY ATTRACTED UNWANTED ATTENTION OMG!

but awww, i didnt get to strike home.
so my new high score is raised from 204 to 242!!!

pretty hor! =D

oh well, the weather today was not good though.

<|6:50 PM|>

Thursday, January 29, 2009

"CNYCNY! the extra extra ~~holidays~~homework days. study days.ahh, prepared to study hard and play hard." "sigh chinese new year is not a very fun time. loads of studying to do. homework should pile up."

since when did i say i intended to stay at home and study throughout the chinese new year break. honestly, we did have a lot of homework and i merely did the homework but played more...

sigh.

i can practically fall asleep when doing my homework these days. once i fall asleep i can sleep for more than an hour. yet i am still very tired and can fall back to sleep at night the minute i land on the pillow.

there is so much homework still.
tomorrow is a busy day.
physics test + possible chem extra lesson + bowling
i dont know if i can make it for bowling. ah well, till tomorrow...

<|5:20 PM|>

Friday, January 23, 2009

i cant believe my memory.
forgot to hand up my homework again.
even after completing it, i forgot to bring it to school. its that same book that i forgot about TWICE.

then if there is this TWICE, there would be TRICE and more.
not good not good.

maybe the excessive spacing out going on recently.
people can be talking about me/to me and i like never hear anything.
and i would go huh huh. or just anyhow respond.

i dont know what is wrong with me. i just window seats make me space out more often.

so tired.
3 weeks of rollar coaster rides...

<|9:11 PM|>

Thursday, January 22, 2009

i told the truth and eyes were rolled.
that was the last thing i wanted to happen.

i have improved tremendously recently. gradually bringing my average up. my efforts were not appreciated at all. sigh.
i want to prove that that is not the end. i will get the 170-190 average by march. i think the stamina part greatly affects my scores.
the scores come up like some positive x^2 quadratic graph.

oh well... maths. i dont know if the current situation during lesson is good or not. but i believe all would be good.

CNYCNY! the extra extra ~~holidays~~homework days. study days.
ahh, prepared to study hard and play hard. competition in 6weeks.
and what? WE HAVE BOWLING TOMORROW!!!
slightly abusive though...

i still cant believe such coincidences exist.

<|9:03 PM|>

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

that ee shuen cant help but harrass me every wednesday afternoon...

walao, disturb my peaceful studying time.
i have plenty of work to do...

i dont know why i feel so traumatised every time i hear weird things....
today, alvin told me that his friend(or was it classmate) kept asking to see my photo or something like that. say want see me.
sounds freaky la but... who on earth is that?
it just reminds me of that identity unknown tmc.

oh well, i had bad experience since sec 1. or more of my foolish behaviour back then. strangers that i did not know could come up to my class to look for me. the see and go without any "HI! i am _____" just freaks me a little. it all could be related to this dang MMORPG called maplestory.
lets not talk about the past...

sigh chinese new year is not a very fun time. loads of studying to do. homework should pile up.

i'm looking forward to the after chinese new year part.
definitely my birthday. although i know i would be very busy still.
all i want is some time together. even talking is sufficient.
and maybe a cake with candles.

but there should be cca...

<|8:35 PM|>

Monday, January 19, 2009

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!

ah well, being called diligians sounds weird...

<|6:48 PM|>

Sunday, January 18, 2009

yesterday was---

reunion dinner
+
buzz it
+
singstar

fun fun!

the steamboat had instant sharks fin added into it. really funny la. one big piece of ice... my cousins were like fustrated when they could not dig for any and i got chunks each time.
=D

my mom poured hot soup on my leg when she missed my bowl. -_-" i didnt have the hands to move my bowl as i was eating the chicken wings. and then walao... my sis says it is my fault.

seriously, it is not as though i cant reach the pot. why bother to pick the food for me. i am not a little kid. i am almost 16.

i think i did something a bit too much.
but i shall put it too the past.

at least, i should have no regrets...

<|3:32 PM|>

Friday, January 16, 2009

i dont care i dont care i dont care.

i am actually part serious and part not serious about the previous post. although it could be considered as a fact... arh nevermind.

i was just finding a way to express my feelings.

miss teo has already reached the point that she is speechless?
i dont feel encouraged to score more full marks. instead, i feel encouraged to make careless mistakes! opps.
ya, and for differentiation... she thinks i know everything already and would need to be given extra worksheets to do.
i am not TYK. i like to do things at my own suitable pace. =D

opps la, i did it again. =x
vanessa insisted to put the orange there. haha.
for the fun of it of course.

i successfully found a method to use when i feel very tired after bowling a while. yes and after i "cured" myself, i bowled 2 strikes in a row.
i was merely able to maintain my strength in the first game. second game on, i was too tired...
first game thrashed everyone(including coach) but second game i got thrashed by everyone.

coach peter ended up having the name peter pan because coach leslie said so. HAHA!

anyway,
SEAH ZHEN YU WAS MAD!!!!!!!!!
walao the amount of strikes was so scary lor...

having reunion dinner tomorrow although it seemed a little early.
steamboat for sure! i just wonder if it would be too overwhelming with the recent strong winds.

by the way,
after the bowling competition, i am willing to spend some time to help the ones who need help.
like in e/a maths and maybe chem.
plan with me ok? i will try my best to help =D

oh wow, someone thinks he is willing to pay to let me teach him amaths... o.o

<|7:39 PM|>

Thursday, January 15, 2009

this is a lame boring post. just trying to do something different.

i am feel really stressed and tired now.

lol.
i dont feel like going for training tomorrow.
killer leh. i am also very lazy. and tired. duh
especially since it is a friday. but i will see the situation first.

please la, it is not as though i like to pon cca.
and and i rarely do so.
never purposely ponned if i was not wrong.

things have gotten better around here.
i think it should stay this way for now.
afterall, peace is very nice?
NICE LA. it has to be nice...

questioning myself now.
i am still clueless about my future,
not being able to be give myself a certain idea.
got to have a target, an aim.

hehe, i already have plans to start studying for the common test in march. i cant let precious time slip away.
this weekend i shall start planning a study timetable. after getting the new timetable.
i promise myself. deal.

hidden messages are fun... dont just think straight ok?

<|5:29 PM|>

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

the world is changing.
these few days, the weather has turned chilly.
it has not been really raining, but still...

ahhh, i dont know what have i been doing these days. almost everytime i am very tired during lessons. then at night before i sleep got energy already. today is just different thanks to bowling.

it is as though i am starting to have some sleeping disorder. maybe just a little.
the other night, i had no idea how i woke up around 4am. worst of all, i turned on the lights and did some snoozing way. that is almost like what i do at 5.45am every weekdays.
the weirdest part was that my mom commented that she heard me shouting a name. or something liddat. there was 2 words in the name and the second word had this -ing sound!!!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED!!!
it was just so mysterious. if i had actually shouted something, why did i do so? or maybe, i just could not remember.

my school desk is so boring. i wish i could do something to decorate it. unfortunately i do not have the slightest idea on what i can put on it.

chemistry test tomorrow, not sure if i would be able to score though. those chapters are rather factual and i am afraid i will mess up my points.

17/1/07 was that day i started liking him(if i was not wrong). but whatever is the case, 17/1/09 on, i will try to stop the feelings(if even possible). yes him. saddist tq.

i cant believe i feel weird not having textbooks around me to study every night.
soon, books will be my daily companion...

<|7:55 PM|>

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

i often end up throwing decisions at myself. or rather, it was self initiated.

seriously, sometimes i dont have the slightest clue on what would be good for me.
the drop or not to drop part comes in.

and reality hits. i realised i dont have a senior that takes hcl. i dont know what would be better still.
i'm not exactly in the optimistic frame of mind. if only something could turn my mind from the pessimistic side to the optimistic side.

in fact i am very fickle-minded and often have problems making decisions. for small decisions, i already had many occasions that i could not make up my mind. let alone decisions involving this year's o levels.
if you do not know i have problems making decisions, then you obviously dont know me well. no offences ok.

so the point is, should i drop hcl or not.
i really have no idea. i am trying to lay out the pros and cons(i dont know why i do that everytime) of dropping hcl.
and yes, 4 years ago i was left with the same decision. and now...

however, i know eventually, i would not drop hcl. because most of the time i end up back at square one at the end of the situation.
in actual fact, i would just forget the issue and it does not come back to my mind again. i mean for most times.
perhaps i should have saved all these energy and spend it on improving my languages. certainly i have to force myself into reading.
from there i can build my vocab?

i dont know what to do now. being able to visualise that future is rather hard. but the thought of it just makes me feel alone. the typical end does not appeal to me.
i hate to make decisions because half the time i regret them.

the day went fine. other than the part i poured hydrochloric acid on the papercut wound on my finger. and all the demoralising statistics we were given.

here comes the what if...
i'll try my best to end my own misery.
if all was fated,
it will come full circle in the end.
self denial just adds on to the sorrow.

<|4:09 PM|>

Monday, January 12, 2009

i dont believe it. i dont believe it. i dont believe it...

lessons passed extremely fast today, or it may be because my mind was elsewhere.

lunch in the sun. terrible. i am not doing that again for sure.
yes ruisi no more sun picnics.
oh and i got sort of dragged to the library just to inform something that they already knew. guess what?
for that, ruisi was suan by ptq in front of his classmates. erm. i cant believe it la, so i dont look like a sec 4 either?
oh but the unexpected guest arrived in the library as she said she was going to have lessons there. like opps?
dammit la, i felt super paiseh lor. i dont know why i even agreed to do it in the first place.

english was short and rush. started a bit on descriptive essays. the one i felt so hopeless at... by then we were not in the mood to have lesson as we were about to get our o level chinese results.

beating around the bush. the school was very obedient in the sense that they only released the results at 2pm sharp. it was nerve-racking. unfortunately, i did not see any of the names of my bowling seniors on the honour role.
arh well, asked around and there was 1 L1R5 7, 3 L1R5 9...

it took us a rather long time before we got our chinese o level results. our chinese teacher gave my class last. it was not fantastic afterall.

like i said. it was supposed to be something very good or very bad. but i dont believe it. it did not happen to me or him. if you consider it the bu xin zhong de da xin. instead it was very VERY unexpected.
chinese B3
chinese(oral/aural) merit

i actually forgot that that merit part consist of listening and oral. i knew very well that i screwed up oral. at least, my listening compre was good enough to pull up the grade from a pass to a merit.
but the B3 was rather expected. i felt from the start that i was not confident about even getting an A. it would be a remarkable feat if i scored the A1.

the B3 marks my starting point. from then on, i will not let any subject get lower than this. ok ok. SET. 8 points will be my minimum.

the really unexpected grade was that someone in my class actually got C5 for chinese. oh well, even the ones that were not so good in chinese got better than me. i'm ashamed. it was as though my chinese standard was stuck in the age of a sec 1.
then again, there were people who made remarks that were very offensive and just made my feelings worst.
but i really hope our higher chinese teachers would not persuade us into dropping from higher chinese to chinese.

what could happen next?
i think i did something i might just regret a few months down(??)
dang, i let that last chance slip away. i feel like a coward, not able to face the feelings and blah blah.

should i even try for something that i do not expect any good outcome?
would it be a waste of time,
or would it be worthwhile?

<|7:29 PM|>

Sunday, January 11, 2009

oh yay!
tomorrow is monday~

looking forward to it actually...
although i am getting the jittery feeling.
its either something very good or something very bad that should happen tomorrow. oh? i dunno la.

aiya, packing lunch to school tomorrow. mini picnic =D
but there will be PSG tomorrow...
i dont care luh.
i'm really sian of spending time queueing up for food. rather stay in class and settle the meal. free and easy, no squeezing and standing!
oh ya and i am getting lazy.

studied quite a bit this weekend. yea =D ready for tests and i completed almost all my homework also.

i still could not believe i did a bit of homework and laze about and 1 hour past. OMG!!!

<|8:50 PM|>

Friday, January 09, 2009

to hell, as if i really wanted to care about it.

<|9:57 PM|>

oh my goodness gracious!!!

to HELL with it.

i believe that from now on, every cca day will be suicide day. however, i'm still really glad that wednesdays and fridays are 1.35pm days!~
hey, how can this happen?

luckily it would only be for another 10+ training sessions. oh man, it still sucks.

each training i always end up going home with super sore feet.

today, only 1 sec 4 attended training. zzz ONLY ME!!! but i tried new things and ended up hurting many parts of me along the way. -_-"
haha, next training i will continue on it!

i want a good rest now.

if it was to be the truth,
i would still refuse.
all is still too early.

<|7:46 PM|>

Thursday, January 08, 2009

i know i should not be online at this kind of time, blogging about random things that happened today. especially when we have so many things to complete and a yan jiang ci to memorise. hehe, i actually memorised 1 paragraph while walking to school. not bad har?

in our rush, i accidentally bought an extra set of hcl wbs. BUT BUT BUT i found someone who has not gotten it yet. so ya woohoo~
i felt so cheated. woke up earlier this morning to go to school earlier and go bookshop buy books and all the other things. wth so many people outside the bookshop and the auntie has not arrived to open it.
rushed to buy after frc. SADLY, there was barely any queue when i visited the bookshop again after lessons. zzz cheat my feelings leh.

anyway, there are somethings i cannot stand it anymore. i dont know what exactly was the matter. from last year until now, i just gave it a whatever and continue to keep my cool. if i was really in a bad mood, i would just shoot all the unhappiness and all the negative feelings i have. of course, i would try not to do that. or at least only tell the people i can trust when i HAD ENOUGH.
i dont know why, the problems always fall back down onto the "you-can-do-that-but-why-others-cant" thing.
bad habits of people. not easy to change right? i dont care anymore.

...
...
maybe i just complain too much.

the weekend is coming, i would need to sort out my work plan for the weekends. its time i print a timetable for myself.
oh yea, o lvl results to be out at 2pm on monday. quite nervous because the chinese marks are quite important. i still hoping there wont be assembly in the afternoon. ohoh and what about a half day if the results are good?
=x so sian

good things shall come in pairs.

<|6:34 PM|>

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

i'm EXTREMELY tired today.

tired.

my feet are sore. my legs are aching. my arms are stiff.
boo hoo, cca was out of the ordinary.

it was the bowling trials today. i was really distracted by the horrendous way the sec 1s bowl. for no good reason after i watched them bowl, i was more accurate each throw.
i felt like laughing. people running on the lanes, throwing the ball out onto the lanes. stepping onto the lane was worst.

HEY! a few of them did not even know how to bowl!!! we were ONLY going to recruit school team members. and here i see people who do not know how to bowl. perhaps they would be the spotted talents?
lol how to?
see the point is c div competitions have been brought forward to march. how to train the new batch of students?

competition. i feel so stressed. competition week = common test week. DIE DIE DIE~~~

after 2 days of english lessons, i feel like my attitude towards studies have changed. not only studies... cca and other things.
within me, i suddenly started having the "everything-must-do-to-the-best-of-my-potential" mindset.
i will make it. and i will see my results in the near future! =D

i left myself only a slighest ray of hope

<|6:38 PM|>

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

everytime i feel stressed about things involving studies....

i always come up with the same solution.

that is to come up with a study plan!

haha, our new english teacher is rather demanding. but then, it is all for the good of us. i dont know if i can actually survive through this tedious year without some mental breakdown. i only know that all i can do is put in that 110% into english.

to push the limits...

zzz, the word limit reminds me of dy/dx!

anyway, long school hours are getting a little hard to bear. the 5mins break sometimes make me even more tired and reluctant to continue with the next lesson. by the last lesson i am almost falling asleep.

changes are hard to make.
school life has changed,
lonelier than ever before.

<|5:30 PM|>

Monday, January 05, 2009

i dont know why i feel so stress today.

i had headache for the whole day!!!

this is not good... not good...
i guess i need to start the studying ahead thing. i dont know how to survive the this term.

bowling competition during common test period???
suay.

tests coming up, homework coming in.
what can i do? study and study more?

omg..

anyway, those empty lockers around the new block are filled with "gold". textbooks/workbooks and other things!!!
haha

<|6:33 PM|>

Saturday, January 03, 2009

oh i am posting again!

just came home from grocery shopping + dinner + edusave scholarship ceremony.

haha, i love fixing up DIY things!~

the ceremony was rather... pathetic?
i remember years back there were 300+ people that are suppose to come to recieve the award. maybe because of the change in the gross household income thing that resulted in the edusave merit bursary section to have less than 100 people.
saw the familiar faces. ^^

this is the 8th time i attended the ceremony. like wow?

i dont believe this.
i got the top 10% and i got $300, my sis got the top 25% one and she got $300 also.
unfair? yes...
so sad lo.

being in special stream is liddat de lor. its very HARD to get top 5%.
=D

<|8:18 PM|>

new year new beginning.

many things in school are new.
new teachers, new school bells, new table looks, new lockers, new...

the list goes on.

some things dont change. i thought i could use a new perspective to look at the people in the class. but things do not seem to change.

who cares for now.

<|11:03 AM|>

Thursday, January 01, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
2009!

new year resolutions??
i failed to come up with any. afterall, most of the resolutions we make are not achieved at the end of the year.

yea yea, school tomorrow T_T

<|1:09 PM|>